In this blog post, I’d like to share my reflections on the meaning of breaking free from a life of comparing yourself to others and living your own life, inspired by my reading of Paulo Coelho’s ‘The Alchemist’.
When people offer advice about life, they often say things like, “Don’t live your life comparing yourself to others,” or “Live your own life.” I, too, have heard these words countless times. But every time I heard them, rather than giving me strength to face life, I actually felt overwhelmed. Why was that? Without even realizing it, a question had been lingering in the back of my mind. If I don’t compare myself to others, what kind of thoughts should I have, and how should I act in my daily life? This was a question no one had ever answered for me, from my early childhood through elementary, middle, and high school, all the way to college. In middle and high school, all I had to do was learn what was taught in class, follow my teachers’ instructions, and do what my friends did. I could live with the confidence that as long as I didn’t stand out more than anyone else and didn’t fall behind anyone else, I was doing just fine.
“It’s as if what others think of a popcorn vendor or a shepherd has become a more important issue than the myth of the self.”
But once I got to college, no one said anything about how I chose to live my life. Society was full of diverse people I hadn’t met in school. They were each living their lives, showcasing their unique abilities in their own fields. Having grown accustomed to living an ordinary life in high school, I felt a sense of awe every time I saw such people. They’re truly amazing. How can they show their own unique colors among so many people?
Then, suddenly, I started thinking about myself. So, how should I live my life? What am I good at? What kind of work would I be best at? But I couldn’t find the answer anywhere. In the end, just as I had in high school, I began to learn by observing others. I naturally became interested in fields that others recognized as talents—people who played musical instruments well, played basketball well, or danced well. Since all my friends were learning to play the guitar, I decided I should learn it this semester too; since everyone was playing basketball, I resolved to practice basketball hard as well. That’s how I decided what I should do by looking at the people around me.
“If you’re always around the same people, they’ll try to change you. That’s because people have their own clear standards for life. But no one actually knows how to live their own life.”
However, living this way soon reached its limits. Reality was too complex to simply copy everything others did. The time I had available and my circumstances weren’t enough to simply follow in others’ footsteps. It felt like I’d need two bodies just to learn a musical instrument, play basketball, and dance well. In particular, it was difficult to afford an expensive instrument, and the cost of lessons was a burden.
So I asked myself again: In high school, I just had to complete set tasks at set times, but now, what should I do, and when? There were times when my abilities weren’t enough to keep up with what others were doing—but should I force myself to do it anyway? Should I really keep doing things that were hard for me?
To find an answer, I looked up various quotes and advice from adults. But in the end, the answers I found weren’t much different from the conclusions I’d already reached during my college years. They were just the same old sayings: “Do what you want to do” and “Don’t compare yourself to others.”
“Marktoob.”
Whether by chance or fate, one day while I was living with these worries, I read Paulo Coelho’s ‘The Alchemist’ on a friend’s recommendation. The title “The Alchemist”—which refers to someone who turns base metals into precious ones—led me to expect a story about transforming something into something of value.
The novel was an easy read. This was because the interesting events unfolded in simple, accessible sentences that anyone could understand, rather than in obscure, convoluted prose. Yet each of those simple, unadorned sentences contained Paulo Coelho’s profound reflections. Even while enjoying the story, there were moments when it felt as though he were asking me, “What about you?”—prompting me to close the book and lose myself in thought for quite some time. Moreover, the story resonated with the truths about life I had been seeking, and the protagonist, Santiago, bore a striking resemblance to myself as a freshman in college. Consequently, I couldn’t help but deeply empathize with Paulo Coelho’s ideas as I read.
“To reach the treasure, you must follow the signs. God has already laid out the path each of us must follow.”
Just as every reader finds different parts of the book to relate to, I was particularly drawn to the choices and decisions Santiago made as he journeyed toward his life’s purpose and personal myth. Santiago encounters countless signs as he pursues his dream, and through those signs, he determines the direction he must take. At the time, I, too, was grappling with what criteria to use to judge the value of my life, so I naturally found myself reflecting on my own life.
The math studies I began by chance, the science high school I entered on my uncle’s recommendation, and the College Scholastic Ability Test I prepared for with my high school friends. Perhaps all the countless opportunities and experiences I’ve gone through to become who I am today were signposts in my life. If my childhood experiences shaped who I am now, I became convinced that the things I’m going through right now will also shape my future self. And it occurred to me that every experience I’ll encounter as I move forward in life will certainly play a role in shaping that future self.
“Everyone learns in their own way. That person’s way can’t be the same as mine. But we’re all on the path to finding our own personal myths, and that’s exactly why I respect him.”
I realized, then, that my friends around me are also living their own lives, following their own signposts, and that their lives can never be exactly the same as mine. Even if we share the same experience, the meaning and impact it has on each of our lives will be different—just as the value of “travel” meant different things to Santiago, the shepherd, and the popcorn vendor.
After reflecting on this, I came to one conclusion: I—and no one else, not my friends or my parents—know best the value of the experiences I go through in my life. That’s why, even when facing the same situation, I shouldn’t make choices by comparing myself to my friends. Above all, what matters most is judging for myself what meaning and value that experience holds within the life I have lived and the life I will live.
“The secret to happiness lies in seeing all the beauty in this world, and at the same time, not forgetting the two drops of oil in a spoon.”
A man visited the home of a wealthy man to ask how to become rich. The rich man then gave him a spoon with two drops of oil and said he would reveal the secret if the man could tour the house without spilling a single drop. The man focused so intently on not spilling the oil that he failed to notice the beautiful things inside the house. Given another chance, he concentrated on looking around the house, but this time he ended up spilling all the oil from the spoon. It was then that the wealthy man spoke the very words quoted above.
‘The Alchemist’ concludes with Santiago returning to the old church with the fig tree where he had stayed at the beginning of the story, finally discovering the treasure after countless hardships and trials. As I read that scene, I, too, could share in the joy Santiago felt.
And in that moment, I finally understood the core message Paulo Coelho wanted to convey to his readers: that the treasure we truly desire may not be far away, but right here, close at hand; and that to discover that treasure, we must cherish this very moment and the place where we stand right now.
As we go through life, we constantly encounter new situations we’ve never experienced before. Whenever that happens, rather than comparing ourselves to others, if we reflect on our own lives and cherish the experiences we’re going through right now, all of those experiences will ultimately become precious treasures in our lives. Therefore, I believe it’s important to live each moment to the fullest—with the conviction that it will become a valuable experience in my life—rather than judging whether something is good or bad by comparing it to others.
